5,000 Miles
by unbreakable86
Summary: "You're scared of being lonely and getting hurt. But love doesn't hurt. Rejection and loneliness hurt. Losing someone hurts. Don't confuse these things with love. Love is the one thing that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that doesn't hurt. So you will have to take a leap here, Liv. You're ready."


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Dick Wolf does.**

 **A/N 1: My lovely readers. I wrote this one after experiencing the worst heartbreak of my life a while ago. So originally, this is what came out after drinking three bottles of wine and watching sappy ass romance movies with one of my best friends, bawling my eyes out in her arms.**

 **It has been sitting on my hard drive for a while now, but I'm finally ready to post it.**

 **WARNING: Not an A/O happy ending, but a happy ending nonetheless.**

 **Flashbacks and thoughts are in italics. Enjoy.**

xxxx

 **5000 Miles**

" _ **My heart beats faster than yours. They stopped beating as one. We shine brighter alone. Maybe it has to be this way."**_

You are sitting at the bar in some drinking hole you've never heard of before in an attempt to avoid going to a cop bar; too many familiar faces. Tonight is all about forgetting. So this is how you ended up here, throwing back your third glass of whiskey, trying to numb the pain in your chest.

" _I'm straight."_

Her words echo through your mind and you motion for the bartender to refill your glass, staring straight ahead, at your reflection in the mirror over the shelves holding several alcoholic beverages. You look like shit and you have never felt worse. Every time you think about her it still is like a stake in your heart. However, the images keep coming back to you, as if your mind is taunting you, not letting you forget her.

xxxx

 _You wake up, the morning sunlight tickling your skin, your arm and leg wrapped around her naked form, your nose buried deeply in her wavy blonde hair. Her smell is intoxicating; vanilla with a hint of cinnamon. You smile, placing soft, open-mouthed kisses to her shoulder and along her spine, feeling her stir, hearing her moan. She slowly turns around to face you, blinking sleepily once, twice, before looking at you, cupping your jaw and giving you a lazy smile._

" _Good morning, my Baby," you say softly before leaning down and gently pressing your lips together._

" _Mmmm," she moans, clenching your hip possessively.  
You smile, knowing she is not quite awake yet, wrapping your arms tighter around her, pulling her into you, letting her rest her head on your shoulder. After a while of just lying there, enjoying the moment, she lifts her head, hiking her leg over your thighs, straddling you, her hands on either side of your head, her legs on either side of your waist. She raises her right hand and lets her forefinger trace your jaw delicately, her eyes searching your face._

" _I've never felt this way before about anybody, Liv. Others now just seem like stepping stones. I never knew I could feel like this."_

 _With that, she leans down and captures your lips again, letting her tongue gently slip inside your mouth. You sigh into the kiss, letting it overtake you, relishing in the feeling of her upper body pressed against yours and the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You sit up, pulling the sheets tightly around the both of you to fight off the New York morning chill, letting your hands travel her smooth back, stroking languidly up and down her spine. You break the kiss and pull her into a tight hug, feeling her arms wrap around your neck and you breathe in her essence. You place tiny kisses below her ear before whispering, "Coffee, my sweet?"_

 _She chuckles into your neck. "I would like nothing more, Baby."_

 _You kiss her chastely once again. "Okay. I'll get it."_

 _She climbs off of you and you leave the bed, feeling her slap your backside in the process. You let yourself fall back onto the bed dramatically, holding your backside. "Ow! OW! I'm hit. I'm HIT!"_

 _She laughs heartily, stroking the red mark softly. "Let me kiss it and make it better." She replaces her hand with her lips, brushing them along the redness. "There! All better. What happened to coffee?"_

 _You throw her a mock glare and she grins widely, her ocean blue orbs sparkling in the sunlight._

" _You are a pain, Alexandra Cabot." With that, you scramble off of the bed, throwing a nightshirt on, turning around once more just to see her lying on her back, smiling smugly, before you leave the room in the direction of the kitchen to switch the coffee maker on._

xxxx

You swirl the amber liquid in your glass, watching as it almost splashes over the rim, your dark gray nail polish being a sharp contrast to the lighter colored content of your glass. You sigh heavily, trying to fight the tears that are threatening to spill.

xxxx

 _The two of you are sitting opposite each other on the loveseat, one leg tucked underneath you, facing each other. Your right and her left arm are lying on the back rest and you are playing with each other's fingers, your respective other hands holding a glass of red wine, the bottle resting on a coaster on the coffee table. The conversation has been light and flowing freely after having had a nice candle light dinner when her face suddenly turns very serious. You interlace your fingers on the back rest._

" _Alex? What is it?"_

 _She shakes her head. "You will think I'm absolutely crazy."_

 _You take her hand on the back rest, pulling it to your mouth and pressing a light kiss to her palm before resting both of your hands in your lap. "Try me, Al."_

" _The connection we have is absolutely overwhelming; in a good way." She cups your cheek, letting her thumb stroke it softly. You close your eyes and lean into the touch._

" _I know, Al. I feel it, too. That doesn't mean you're crazy."_

 _She presses her thumb to your lips. "Let me finish." You kiss the pad lightly before nodding._

" _Do you know how many times I have wanted to say the L word?"_

 _Your heart does a backflip at her words and your eyes glaze over._

" _Does that scare you?" You look up into her eyes, seeing worry in them, her shoulders having deflated slightly, and you realize that your lack of response might have sent the wrong signals. You smile softly, cupping her cheek._

" _Not at all, Al. You have probably wanted to say it as many times as I have. I was just scared because it might have been too early. I wanted to wait because I didn't want you to freak and run away."_

" _I would never run away, my sweet. Had it been anyone else, I would have run like hell, but this is you. I'm in too deep to run away from you. I never knew I could feel like this. You stole a part of my heart that I know I will never get back."_

 _Your smile is getting bigger each second, your thumb stroking her cheek delicately before leaning forward to gently press your lips to hers. You feel her melt under the touch of your lips and you swipe her bottom lip with your tongue, pressing for entrance which she instantly grants you. You snake your arm around her waist, pulling her closer to you on the couch, letting yourself fall back onto it so she is on top of you, the two of you never breaking the kiss. After a while of just enjoying the feeling of each other, hands begin to wander and clothes are shed, Alex's and your soft whimpers filling the living room._

xxxx

You shake your head to clear your mind, bringing the tumbler to your lips and finishing the fourth glass. You instantly get a refill, but this one is for sipping. Otherwise you will just fall off of your bar stool. Your mind is getting a little fuzzy already when you feel a hand on your shoulder. Your head whips around just to see familiar deep brown eyes looking back at you and you relax once again.

"Hey Abs," you sigh, staring straight ahead while still twirling the glass in your hands.

"Jeez, Benson! You look like hell!" your best friend points out in her very prominent southern drawl, quite helpfully, because you were absolutely not aware of that fact before. Sarcasm off!

"Why thank you, Carmichael. Any particular reason I can't have my drink in peace?"

"Untwist your panties, Detective. Casey, Kim, Serena, and I were just passing by on our way to O'Malley's when we saw you sitting here through the window. So I decided to get in here and haul your sorry ass out to go with us."

"I'm really not in the mood for company."

Your voice is emotionless, not showing any kind of reaction to your friend's invitation.

"God almighty, woman! Would you just stop pining over the Ice Queen and get on with your life? It's been what? A year and a half? She went to Africa and no one ever heard from her again. Get real, Olivia! She's not coming back."

You turn your head to glare at Abbie. The worst part is that you know that she is right. Abbie is always right. Fucking hell!

"Don't you think I fucking know that? It would have been our anniversary today though."

You can hear her mumble an _Oh my God!_ and you want to punch her for being so right.

"Liv, you know that there is someone madly in love with you waiting outside, right? She has waited so long for you to get your head outta your ass and if you are not careful, Kim will score tonight. And I'm surely not talking about Serena because God knows I will kill Greylek if she ever touches my woman."

"Casey is not still in love with me."

"Oh man, Benson. Are you really that dense or are you shitting me? Casey Novak has had the hots for you for the last five years. She is in love with you and waiting for you to get over yourself."

"I know Alex and I are over. But I'm scared that I will hurt Casey. I wish I would have given her a chance when I had one. Instead I was waiting for Alex to come around."

You can't see it, but you can feel Abbie rolling her eyes at you.

"You have been waiting for Alex to come around for far too long. You refused to face the fact that she wanted her political career more than she wanted to be with you. She would have never come out for you publicly. You just would have been her dirty little secret. She didn't keep her promises, she led you on, and in the end, she fucked you over and dumped you to go and straighten out her lesbianism. Ha, ha! Pun intended!"

You rub your hands over your face, sighing deeply, "Jesus fuck, I _know_ that, Abigail! You're not helping by constantly pointing that out to me."

The other brunette's eyes soften and she taps your nose with her forefinger, "Boop! I know that you know, Liv. Let Casey know for a change. I know that it's been hard for you to move on but give Casey and yourself a chance. You two would be so good together and you would absolutely not have to wait for the other shoe to drop with her. She is out at work and in her private life, she knows who she is, and she knows what she wants."

"I know, Abs," you whisper, averting your eyes to stare straight ahead. "I know."

Abbie takes your chin and turns your head back so you can look at her. "Would you stop? If you know all this, why haven't you gotten you head outta your ass and asked the woman out yet?"

Tears gather in your eyes and you have to struggle to keep them at bay. "I don't deserve her. She is so amazing, but I'm so screwed up. I'm scared. What if my fear of getting hurt again gets in the way and I hurt her instead?"

Your best friend lets out a heavy sigh, "You do realize that you're going in circles here, right? We have already established the fact that Casey Novak would never, could never hurt you like Alex did because everyone, including her, knows who she is. She knows what she wants in life. Besides, if you don't take a chance, how will you ever experience love again? You're scared of being lonely and getting hurt. But love doesn't hurt. Rejection and loneliness hurt. Losing someone hurts. Don't confuse these things with love. Love is the one thing that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that doesn't hurt. So you will have to take a leap here, Liv. You're ready."

You give her a wide grin, baby talk firmly in place, "Oh, look at you, Carmichael. Going all sappy on me. Serena turned you into a real softy."

She rolls her eyes at you again, "Whatever, Benson."

"Whipped!"

"Bite me!"

"I love you, too."

"Fuck you!"

"I win!"

"Whatever! Liam Neeson is a great man for having said these words. They were not mine. So I'm not a softy."

"Quoting someone can make you a softy too, you know?"

You know that even though Abbie is a hard ass on the outside, a bare-knuckle prosecutor in the courtroom, and has a witty tongue, she is just a big, fluffy teddy bear on the inside. Everybody knows but no one would ever dare to tell her that they know. Except for you, Serena, Casey, and Kim.

"Anyway, Benson. Moving on. I'm leaving. You comin' or what?"

You shake your head, "Nah! Maybe another time. I'll just have one more beer and head home."

Abbie raises her eyebrows at you, "Okay. Suit yourself! I'm off. If you decide to join us after all, you know where to find us."

"I know. Thank you, Abs."

She just nods, squeezing your shoulder one last time before turning around and disappearing in the crowd, the clicking of her three-inch heels on the ground slowly fading and blending in with the other noises echoing through the bar.

You look down at your tumbler again, letting Abbie's words sink in. You know that it will take some time to get over the hurt Alex caused you. After all the good times you thought you had. After everything you went through. After everything that you experienced together. All these things now just being a distant memory.

xxxx

 _You can feel her hands gliding all over your body before grabbing your hips and rolling her hips up to meet your downward thrusts onto the strap-on she is wearing. You throw your head back, letting out a long, low moan, the phallus hitting that sweet spot inside of you very deliciously._

" _Oh fuck, Baby. Fuck," you pant, the movement of your hips becoming more erratic, feeling your orgasm approaching rather quickly. "Nearly there."_

 _Her hands reach up to cup both of your breasts, teasing your nipples with her palms. You cover her hands with yours, feeling their movements while locking eyes with her, ocean blue orbs boring into yours, looking straight into your soul._

" _God, you're so fucking sexy, Liv," she gasps before rolling you over so she is on top of you, setting a hard and fast pace, adamant to let you fly over the edge first. She leans down so her lips are next to your ear, whispering hotly, "Wrap your legs around me, Baby. Let me make you come."_

 _She lets her tongue dart out, rimming the shell of your ear before letting her lips glide along your neck to your breasts, taking your left nipple into her mouth, and sucking._

" _Oh, fuck!" you groan, wrapping your legs around her, letting her go deeper. You know that she knows you like no other. She knows exactly what you need to go flying. You whimper loudly as she drives the toy deeper and deeper into you, her right hand finding your clit and drawing fast, tight circles on it, her lips taking yours in a searing kiss. Your own left hand grabs your left breast, flicking your nipple, while the nails of your right dig into her bicep and your tongues battle for dominance._

 _You feel the warm euphoria build in your toes, settling and then spreading slowly through your whole body. Your loud moans are muffled by her mouth on yours as your body tenses up and starts jerking uncontrollably, your walls gripping the toy tightly, your thighs shaking, both your bodies covered in perspiration. She slows her thrusts and breaks the kiss, the two of you still panting into each other's mouths. Cerulean blue eyes are watching you while she slowly pulls the dildo out, causing your hips to jerk again, a strangled cry leaving your mouth because you feel like you could easily come again._

" _Mmmmm, is there another one, my Baby?"_

 _All you can do is nod and swallow hard at the fire you see in her eyes and you brace yourself for what is to come. "Are you sore?"_

 _You shake your head, still not able to form any words. She leans down to your year again, biting your lobe, knowing how she affects you, "Then get on your hands and knees."_

 _Your breath catches in your throat, "Oh, fuck… Al…"_

 _She smiles down at you, making room for you to turn around which you immediately do, your hands gripping the sheets tightly. Her hands glide over your back, leaving goose bumps in their wake before wrapping around your waist, pulling your upper body up with her, your back connecting with her front, her nipples brushing over your back. Her nose brushes behind your ear and you can hear her inhale your scent, feeling so safe in her arms that you never want to let her go again. Her fingertips trail across your abdomen, lightly tickling around your navel, dancing up to your breasts, cupping them. You arch your back, pressing your breasts further into Alex's hands, your lower half humping back into the phallus brushing so deliciously between your legs while Alex rolls your nipples between her fingers, her chin on your shoulder. "Mmmm, so sexy, Baby. I can't wait to see you lose control again."_

 _You gasp loudly, every fiber of your being reacting to her voice next to your ear and her hands caressing your body. "Are you wet for me, my Baby?"_

 _You are panting now, furiously nodding your head, spreading your knees further apart, hoping that she will do something,_ _ **anything**_ _, and soon._

 _That is when she lets the tip enter you from behind, just teasing you, before pulling out again so it presses against your clit._

" _Oh God," you whimper, continuing to roll your hips back and forth, brushing the dildo, trying to relieve some of the pressure on your throbbing nub. She cups your mound, massaging your bundle of nerves with the lightest of touches, barely giving you any stimulation._

 _You let your head fall back onto her shoulder, desperately whimpering now. "Please," you whisper. "Please, Alex."_

" _Please what, Olivia? Say it!."_

 _You turn your head to the side, claiming her lips in a clumsy kiss, "Fuck me!"_

 _Your lips are just inches apart but you can see her smile, "Relax, Baby."_

 _So you do just that, relaxing your walls as best as you can, preparing your body for the intrusion, and she finally sheathes the phallus inside of you, a loud groan ripping from both of your throats. You lock eyes with her, whispering again, "Fuck me!"_

 _She grasps your hips, pulling the strap-on out before slamming it back in, her thighs slapping against your backside in the process._

" _Oh, FUCK!"_

 _She once again sets a fast pace, your upper body falling forward with the force of her thrusts, one of her hands continuing to hold onto your hip, one squeezing your left ass cheek. It is glorious._

" _Oh Baby… Fuck, fuck… fuck… fuuuu. Oh fuck, yes!" you pant, reaching back with your right hand, holding on to her arm while your left hand holds up your weight on the bed. "Fuck it!"_

 _It only seems to spur her on as she continues to pound into you and from her pants you can tell that she is close to coming. "Yes, Baby. Nearly there. Fuck it. So good."_

 _Alex's thrusts become sloppier and even harder, her hand on your hip reaching around you to rub your clit and take you with her into bliss._

 _You can feel her coming and her erratic thrusts and loud moans send you crashing over the edge with her, fireworks exploding behind your eyes, your walls clenching and unclenching around the toy, your mouth opened in a silent scream. You fall forward, taking her with you, which causes the dildo to shift, hit your spot and send you into your third orgasm of the night, making you shiver once more._

 _You hear her panting, "Oh fuck, Baby. Yeah!"_

 _Her arms are on either side of your head as she continues pumping, helping you ride it out one last time._

 _When your breathing slows, she gently pulls out of you, causing you to wince. You can definitely feel the soreness now, but it is so good._

 _You hear her loosening the straps and dropping the dildo to the floor before you feel her climbing on top of you again, letting your bodies roll to the side so she is spooning you. Alex reaches down to pull the covers over your cooling bodies, pressing her front into your back once again and pressing a kiss to your shoulder._

" _Mmmm, that was –" and she is out with you following behind her just moments later, a soft smile on your lips._

xxxx

You had a connection with her like you had never felt with anyone else before. It is not so much the fact that she is not in your life any longer that hurts, but that she expected you to just accept everything she said, not explaining anything, after having led you on for months. You take the last gulp from the glass, your thoughts shifting to one beautiful redhead. Abbie was right with what she said. Casey could never hurt you like Alex did. You don't even know why you didn't give her a chance in the first place. Maybe it was that you were so fucked up after going undercover at Sealview, maybe it was something else entirely. Then Alex came back from WitSec and everything happened from there. Until that one fateful night that changed it all.

xxxx

 _You are standing at the window, staring outside at the rain pouring down onto the New York City streets. Alex has not called you for two whole days, you have not seen her in a week, and if she texts you back her answers are curt and void of affection. You have a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you keep hoping that you are wrong and that she has been telling you the truth and actually is just swamped with work and sick._

 _The knock at the door pulls you from your thoughts and you walk over to the door, checking the peep hole before opening, revealing a statuesque blonde beauty, soaked by the rain, standing at your front door. "Alex," you gasp, stepping aside for her to enter, closing the door behind you before adding, "You're soaked. Let me get you a towel and dry clothes. You're gonna freeze to –" She lifts her hand, interrupting you mid-sentence._

" _That won't be necessary, Olivia. I'm not staying."_

 _You feel like someone just punched you in the stomach. "What?"_

" _I said I am not staying. Jeez!"_

 _Her words sting and you hold your hands up in a calming manner, "Whoa, Al. Let's slow down a little here. Why do I have the feeling that there is an emotional distance between us from here to Timbuktu?"_

 _She walks over to the window, staring outside, just like you did before she arrived, your eyes following her every move._

 _She takes a deep breath before answering, "You feel it because it's there. I'm struggling with some stuff right now and I want to get it out but I know it will hurt you so I've taken a couple of steps back."_

 _Tears spring to your eyes, the sinking feeling in your stomach now forming into a giant lump, wandering upwards, and settling in your throat, "Whatever it is you're struggling with, just get it out. You'll feel better and I'm sure I'll be able to handle it, whatever it is."_

 _She doesn't answer, just keeps staring outside, stoic. You wrap your arms around your own midsection, protecting yourself from what is about to come. You can feel it. "Jesus Christ, Alex. If you are going to break my heart, please do it fast!"_

 _That sentence makes her perk up and finally show that she acknowledges you being in the same room. "_ _Remember when I told you that I had never had a relationship with a woman before?_ _As much as I admire women and always have admired their beauty, the feminine form, always looked up to them and desired to be like certain role models, I know I am not gay."_

 _Another punch to your stomach, this time with a knife boring into your heart at the same time. "What are you saying, Alex?"_

" _I am just struggling with the fact that I feel that this has gone too far. I don't want to hurt you and it hurts me, too, to realize that I have done this and have been fantasizing about something that won't happen because I like men. I am so sorry..."_

 _You feel like you cannot breathe. "I… I… What?"_

" _I'm straight."_

 _You shake your head. "I don't understand, Alex."_

" _I'm going to Africa. I love you, but_ _I have trouble with relationships in my zip code, let alone long distance ones. I always push people away, even when they love me. Very few have stuck around for this reason. Then, it started getting more serious. Yes, I still felt the same about you. I knew I cared about you and knew that you were falling and I felt myself falling as well. But the past couple of weeks, I knew that I was doing something wrong, felt that something was not right about getting so close to you. I hate myself for doing this to you, but I can't see it, Olivia. I can't. There's nothing that can fix this, so I am not going to apologize."_

" _But… I don't get it. What we have… Was it all a lie?"_

" _Jesus Christ, Olivia! Did you hear_ _ **anything**_ _I just said," she snaps at you, finally turning around to face you._

 _Now you feel your own anger rising, starting to bubble over, and you snap back, "Oh, I_ _ **did**_ _hear you. One of the things you just told me was a lie. You either love me but have a problem with a long-distance relationship or you are straight. Or maybe it's something else and you just don't wanna ruin your fucking political career by loving a woman. So tell me, Alexandra. Which one_ _ **is**_ _it?"_

 _She looks to the ground, her shoulders slumping, "I don't know. It's over."_

" _Oh, well. I forgot to never get involved with a straight woman. Thank you for making me fall in love with you first before you decided to screw me over!"_

" _I'm so sorry. So… is that it?"_

 _You whip your head around to glare at her, "What did you expect?_ _That I would ask you to be my BFF? Flowers? You know what my ex did to me and yet, you_ _ **still**_ _decided to lead me on. For_ _ **months**_ _!"_

" _Okay. I'm sorry."_

" _Sorry doesn't cover it. Get out!"_

 _She starts walking, her eyes glued to the ground. When she is about to pass by you she stops, raising her gaze to lock with yours, but you keep staring at a spot behind her. She raises her hand to touch your cheek, but you pull back as if you just have been burned._

" _I said get out!"_

 _Alex lets her hand fall to her side, turning on her heel and slowly walking out of the apartment. You can hear her whisper another "I'm so sorry." before she shuts the door behind her, leaving you to finally let the tears fall freely and break down into a sobbing heap on your living room floor._

xxxx

There was nothing you could have done. So after the sadness came the anger and self-destruction before you finally accepted that she ran 5,000 miles away from you to erase your complete existence from her life.

"Hey bartender! Could I have a Heineken please?"

He eyes you warily, but then seems to decide that you can drink one more. He is bending over to get your beer from the fridge when you faintly notice a figure sitting down on the stool next to yours, a familiar husky voice rasping out, "Make that two."

You turn your head to the right, surprised to find Casey Novak sitting next to you. Your stomach does a backflip and you stutter out, "Case, wha-? What are you doing here?"

You let your eyes dart over her face and notice that she looks absolutely breathtaking. Her red hair is falling in loose curls around her face, her make-up flawlessly coordinated with her green blouse, skin-tight, black dress pants, and three-inch heels topping off her outfit.

"It's rude to stare, Detective Benson," she chuckles and you snap out of your stupor, your eyes finding hers again. The way she is looking at you tells you that she must have said something that you have missed and you feel a blush creeping up your neck.

"I'm sorry, Case. What did you say?"

She grins broadly and you feel your heart skip a tiny beat, "I asked if you minded the company and if you rather wanted me to go."

The bartender chooses this exact moment to place your order in front of you, buying you two extra seconds of time. You shake your head again to clear it, breathing in deeply before answering, "No, stay. But aren't you supposed to be at O'Malley's with the other girls?"

She nods briefly, "I am, but Kim got a little too handsy for my taste. So I left and came back here."

All you want to to is punch Kim Greylek in her pretty face and you are asking yourself what the fuck it is that you are fucking thinking. Casey is not yours to protect from potential girlfriends.

"I'm sorry it ended this way."

Green eyes are looking back into yours, a playful sparkle in them, "Oh, don't worry about me. The night just got so much better."

You blush furiously, ducking your head, and holding on to your beer in the hope that your embarrassment will pass rather soon, feeling like a little school girl with a fucking boy crush.

She lifts her beer bottle and salutes you, "Let's make a toast."

"What do you wanna toast to?"

"To change."

Your eyes snap back to her face, looking at her, surprised. Her green eyes smile at you over your beer bottles and you raise yours too, clinking them, "To change," you add before taking a generous sip.

xxxx

After having consumed another two beers the two of you decide to make your way home. When you get up from the bar stool, you sway a little but can control it rather well before taking your jacket and throwing it on, paying both of your bills, making sure to leave a generous tip for the ever attentive bartender who constantly refilled your glass throughout the evening without asking dumbass questions.

Casey is in her jacket as well and you make your way outside, the cold air hitting you full force when you step onto the sidewalk, making you feel like someone just hit you with Thor's hammer. You stumble further onto the sidewalk, Casey catching you around the waist before you can faceplant right in front of her feet. "Whoa there, Tiger. How much did you have to drink?"

You turn your head, grinning goofily at her, "Just one or two drinks."

She lets out a snort, rolling her eyes in a very Abbie fashioned way, "Yeah, right. Come on, Tiger. Let's get you home. I will just hail a cab."

"Mmmmm, 'kay," you mumble, not having noticed the cab that is already there, a very unnerved driver waiting for you to get in. Casey grasps your hips again, gently guiding you in the direction of the car, placing you in it before getting in on the other side of the backseat, giving the driver an address you cannot make out. Your eyes are drooping and it doesn't take long until you are asleep.

You woke up by a hand on your shoulder, gently shaking you, and the deep rasp of Casey's voice, "Hey Liv. Wake up! We're here."

You slowly open your eyes and turn to your right. Casey is squatted down on your side on the sidewalk, the car door wide open, the redhead having tried to coax you out of your sleep.

You smile lazily at her before getting out of the cab. Casey closes the door and you just now realize that this is not your building. The redhead must have seen the confusion in your eyes because she swoops in, guiding you to the glass door, "It's my building."

You chuckle heartily, "No shit, Sherlock. I figured as much."

She smiles softly at you, then greeting the doorman before leading you to the elevators. You ride up to the third floor, the hallways looking quite fancy from what you could see. Casey stops in front of her door, turning the key in the lock before letting you enter first so she can lock up behind the two of you.

You stand awkwardly in the hallway, not really knowing what to do with yourself, your legs shaky, your mind still fuzzy. Her voice brings you back to the present, "Let me get you something comfortable to wear and you can go to sleep."

You just nod dumbly and follow her to wherever. Entering her bedroom, you smile at the huge stuffed dolphin sitting on top of the duvet.

Having noticed you smiling at the stuffed animal, her eyes widen in horror and she blushes furiously, burying her face in her hands, mumbling, "Oh my God!"

You step forward, peeling her hands off of her face, trying to catch her gaze with yours, "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Case."

You sway dangerously once more, the redhead catching you around your waist. Your hands are on her shoulders, your faces only inches apart. Your eyes dart to her lips and back up to her eyes and you swear you can feel her breath catch in her throat. You lift your hand to stroke her cheek, watching how she closes her eyes and leans into your touch. You inch closer and closer, closing your eyes, ready to brush your lips to hers when you suddenly feel a finger on your lips. Your eyes snap open to see what is wrong. She is looking straight back at you.

"I want to, Liv. God, how I want to. But I'm not your rebound. I want to do this the right way. I want everything."

"Of course. I'm sorry, Case. I didn't mean to. I don't want you to be my rebound. You deserve more than that."

She smiles softly at you, taking your hands into hers. "Let's get you something comfortable to wear and we can take turns in the bathroom. While you're in I will make my bed on the couch."

"No! You won't sleep on the couch. I will."

"No, Liv. It's okay. Really –"

"No! Then we will share the bed." Realizing what you just said, you feel your face flush and stutter out, "I… I… I mean…"

She laughs, trying to pull you out of your misery, "I know what you meant, Liv. We'll share the bed."

You just nod, still a little flushed, "Okay."

Casey walks over to her closet, rummaging through it before handing you sweatpants and an old Harvard shirt. You make your way to the en suite and close the door behind you, quickly changing and splashing water in your face to clear your fuzzy mind.

When you step out the bed is ready for you to climb in. So you drop your folded clothes onto the armchair by the window and place your phone onto the nightstand before doing just that, climbing in.

A couple of minutes later, Casey emerged from the bathroom, switching off the lights, and climbing in next to you. You feel a strong arm wrap around you tentatively, unsurely, so she is effectively spooning you. "Is this okay?" she whispers, her nervousness displayed in her voice.

You pull her arm tighter around you, snuggling into her embrace, whispering back, "More than okay."

With that, you fall into a deep, comfortable slumber, full of peace, and without haunting dreams.

xxxx

You wake up the next morning in the same position that you fell asleep in yesterday, Casey still holding you, just now her nose is buried in your hair. You let out a deep sigh, reaching for the phone on your side of the bed to check the time. 8:35 a.m. and a text message from Abbie. You open it, asking yourself if you can dare to smile at the way Casey is unconsciously pulling you closer in her sleep. You tap on the screen, reading your best friend's text,

" _Best friend or not; if you hurt her, I will go all Lord Voldemort on your sorry ass, Benson."_

You let out a quiet snort, tapping away on the screen,

" _Abracadabra… CRUCIO! I'm hurt, Carmichael!"_

You hit send and barely ten seconds later your screen lights up again with her reply.

" _Don't worry, she will get the same speech."_

With that, you decide that you actually _can_ dare a smile before getting out of bed to fix coffee and breakfast for two.

xxxx

 **A/N 2: Thank you for reading. I apologize for butchering our favorite couple. But Olivia saw a shimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. :)**

 **Please… no Casey/Olivia bashing. The story hit very close to home when I wrote it, and I just added the last part with Casey after it was finished. So be gentle with me. :)**

 **Now, if you will excuse me, I need a very cold shower and a postcoital cigarette. Metaphorically speaking of course… That sex scene was a torture to write. :)**

 **The quote is a translation of the German song** _ **Auf anderen Wegen**_ **("On Different Paths") by Andreas Bourani.**

 **I hope you liked it. Mistakes are my own and I apologize. Reviews are love.**

 **Until next time, my lovelies.**


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